Choices

  Choices

  By Sydney Lane

  For Shawn and the girls -

  Thank you for rescuing me when I needed it. Without you, I am nothing.

  Copyright @2013 by Sydney Lane

  Cover image designed and owned by Melissa Storm Allen

  Edited by KM Krick

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without prior written permission of the above author of this book.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  Choices Playlist

  Sister

  About the Author

  Prologue

  Standing at the bar, I feel eyes on me. My scalp prickles, and I take a deep breath as I look around. I scan the crowd, and I don’t see anyone I know. When I turn back to order my drink, that’s when I see him. Ah, here it comes. All of the emotions I expected to feel earlier, I am feeling them now. Fear, shame, pain, and love. Pure, flawed, crazy love. The music fades, and the room suddenly feels small. I don’t see anyone but him. He’s watching me watching him. And it feels like the very first time I saw him. It feels as if the rest of our story never happened. His face is blank. I expected hurt, even anger, but I didn’t expect indifference. And somehow, that feels worse. As tears prick my eyelids, I turn to Jenna. She’s watching me, and this time, she knows that I’m not OK. She squeezes my hand again. I look back, wondering if I should speak…. But he is gone.

  I breathe deeply, trying to control the trembling. “Don’t. Don’t do it, Quince. He’s gone. Let’s just get a drink, and then we’ll talk about it.” Oh, it hurts. Eight months wasn’t long enough.

  “Quince.” I feel his breath on my neck. I know he’s behind me. I can smell him, that distinct scent I would recognize anywhere. But I don’t want to turn around. I’m afraid he’ll vanish again. I’m afraid to face him.

  As I turn, his hands are suddenly on my shoulders, shaking me, forcing me to look at him. I haven’t spoken. I’m not even sure I can. “I hate you,” he says. I can’t breathe. I think I might pass out. Even though I didn’t think it was possible, a little more of me is dying inside. I can’t move as I am held hostage by his eyes. Indifference has been replaced by anger. I’m aware of Jenna trying to pry his hand from my arm, but I can’t hear what she’s saying.

  “I hate you, Quince. I hate you because when I saw you just now, I still thought you were the most beautiful girl in the room.” Just as suddenly as he had grabbed me, he lets me go. He is walking away, and all I know is that I have to stop him.

  “Don’t! Don’t go!” I yell. He stops, and my heart quits beating as he turns to look at me over his shoulder. My voice fades to a whisper as I plead for forgiveness with my eyes. “I choose you.”

  Chapter 1

  I couldn’t wait to go to college and sitting here in my first class, I am reminded that this is my first taste of freedom. As the high school valedictorian, I always sat in the front row. Today, I got lost on my way to class, so I am sitting in the next to last row. That is when I see them. Three guys are sitting near the front, and I have a clear view of them as they laugh and talk together. We sure didn’t have guys like this where I came from!

  The guy on the right is cute enough. He has chin-length blonde hair, and he is almost too perfect to be real. He has rounded angelic features. Everything is… perfect. The guy in the middle looks like he might be tall. He has buzzed black hair, and he is gesturing like he’s telling a grand story. The corner of his eyes crinkle, and I think he must smile a lot. The guy on the left… Whoa! He is delicious with messy, black hair that is slightly longer on top. He looks as if he just rolled out of bed, and he is owning it. Just looking at him makes me believe all things really are possible.

  So lost in thought, I do not realize that the guy in the middle has turned slightly, and he is watching me. As soon as our eyes meet, I try to play cool and smile, but instead, I end up looking down at my notebook. So maybe I have moved away from home, but I’m still the same girl on the inside.

  I grew up in Collier, Tennessee. There isn’t much in Collier, but we are close to several large cities. If you want to go shopping, an hour drive will get you to a mall. Another hour will get you into Nashville, and you can find most anything there.

  I’ve had a good childhood, but I always felt stifled in Collier, like I was being smothered a little more each day. Everyone in Collier knows who everyone else is. They think they know you when they really don’t know anything. I’ve spent my entire life proving I’m not who they think I am and pretending that I don’t care about their assumptions.

  I have one older sister, and my parents are still married. On the outside, we look like a normal family, but things are not always as they seem. It’s complicated. Let’s just say that my parents did the best they could, given the circumstances they were dealt. My mom and dad met when they were teenagers, started dating in high school, and got married as soon as they graduated. My sister came along not long after, and I was born four years later. We weren’t much different from any other family in Collier until my sister got sick.

  My sister, Katie, has a sickness you can’t see. She has bipolar disorder. She looks normal, and although she doesn’t have any visible scars, she carries many on the inside. Any others, she has learned to hide. At the age of 14, she began rebelling against our parents, her teachers, and well… anyone who tried to tell her what to do. I knew she went from one boyfriend to the next. I also knew she was smoking pot and maybe using other drugs, too. She tried to commit suicide once, before they found out what was going on. Everyone in Collier expected me to grow up to be just like her.

  My parents are the best, and I wouldn’t trade them for any others. My sister requires a lot of time and attention, so they try to make sure I know they care even when they don’t have time to show me. They just don’t understand the outside pressures I’ve had to deal with. Each year, when I met my new teachers, I could tell that they didn’t want me
in their classes. As they called role, I would squirm in my seat, nervously waiting for them to call my name. Inevitably, they would get to my name then pause to look at me as if they were sizing me up. I even had a few say, “Oh, so you’re Katie Priest’s sister.” It didn’t help that I looked just like her. So I’ve spent my life trying to just be Quincy Priest.

  I’ve done a good job of it, too. I was the valedictorian of my class of 204. I had 12 years perfect attendance. I can be counted on to make the right decision every time, and I’ve certainly never been in trouble. But I’m tired, so tired of trying to be perfect.

  My sanity has been saved by my best friend, Jenna. Beautiful, fun-loving, brutally honest Jenna. We met in third grade when her family moved to Collier. We’ve been friends ever since. We are total opposites, but it works. I am short at 5’3”. She is tall at 5’9”. I have long brown hair and large brown eyes. She has cropped blonde hair with narrow blue eyes. I like to say that I’m not very popular, but my best friend is. Everyone loves Jenna. She is my best friend, my confidante, and my girl. She has my back, and I have hers. I’d follow her to the ends of the Earth if she needed me to.

  So, when Jenna suggested that we move to the “big” city of Knoxville and go to the University of Tennessee, I did just that. I followed. I can now add roommate to the list of roles she has filled for me.

  Hearing Jenna talk and seeing those three beautiful men make me believe that I really can reinvent myself, that I really can be whoever I want to be.

  Chapter 2

  “Quince, you’re never gonna believe this! We got invited to a fraternity party tonight!” Jenna squeals. Her cheeks are flushed, as if she has run all of the way to the dorm just to give me this bit of news. I don’t mention that I’m unsure how we got invited if I wasn’t even there. I’m just excited we’re going. It’s our first party since we got here, and I’m ready to start my metamorphosis.

  “Oh my gosh! Seriously? I don’t even know what to wear! And why don’t we study first, so we can stay out as long as we want?” I gush because I’m hoping we’ll actually have a reason to come home late. In high school, I barely dated, unless you want to call two dinners and a movie dating.

  “Good idea… I knew we were friends for a reason! You wanna know who invited us?” She asks. And for the first time, I realize that Jenna might have a date. If I’m going to be the third wheel, this may not be as much fun as I thought. She must see the hesitation on my face because she clarifies, “This really hot guy from my Lit class invited everyone, but I’m hoping to get a chance to talk to him.” And I’m sure she will. Jenna has never had a problem attracting guys. She is gorgeous with her mile long legs, beautiful face, and a natural tan other women pay for but never achieve.

  “Oh, yeah? Maybe he’ll have a nerdy friend for me,” I say out loud. Now, I’m just hoping she doesn’t pair off with someone and leave me alone at the party. But I force a smile.

  “Nerdy? Quince, you never give yourself enough credit. If you’d get your head out of your books, you would see how guys look at you everywhere we go. Come. Come here,” she says as she pulls me in front of her, facing the mirror. “What do you see? Because what I see is a beautiful girl just dying to come outside to play. She has long, wavy hair the color of chocolate and wide, innocent eyes that see too much. She is smart, reliable, and fascinating. Let’s take her out with us tonight, k?”

  “Now that’s why we’re friends!” I laugh. But I honestly mean it. Jenna is a true friend, and I hope she’s right about me.

  Three hours later, my books are put away, and I’m busy trying to decide what to wear. I finally decide on a pair of dark skinny jeans with a dressy turquoise tank. It hangs loosely in layers, and the color compliments my pale complexion. Since I’m only 5’3”, I wear heels as often as I can. Maybe I’ll look taller than I am. I put on minimal make-up, and I remember a time when Katie told me that she hated that I got the good skin. I really don’t have to wear make-up, and it’s a good thing because I don’t have time for it.

  I walk out of the shared bathroom, and I immediately want to go change. Jenna looks stunning in a short summer dress and sandals. She has chosen to wear some smokey eye shadow, and her lips are pink and glossy. I shrug my shoulders and say, “Let’s go, girl! We’ve got somewhere important to be.” We both laugh at my serious tone, and I’m relieved that she doesn’t buy into my insecurities.

  We walk to the car, arms locked together, laughing at our silly selves. Once we get settled inside, we blast the stereo.

  Chapter 3

  The first thing I notice when we get to the fraternity house is that it’s packed. People are spilling out of the doors onto the deck and lawn. We have to park two blocks away and walk to the house. Jenna and I talk and laugh as we walk. I’m so anxious for my first college party! Somehow being with her gives me courage as we get closer.

  We walk around the side of the house to the deck which seems to be where most of the people are. Some are dancing while others stand and talk. The keg is in the yard, under a tree, and most people are drinking from red Solo cups.

  “Quince, you wanna get a drink or are we doing this sober?” Jenna asks as she looks toward the keg. I want to loosen up and have fun, but I’m not going to get drunk and make a fool of myself at my first fraternity party. She knows this, so I don’t even need to answer. Instead, I grab her arm and head straight for the tree. While she is filling her cup, she gives me the rules. Don’t go into any room with a closed door (besides the bathroom). Don’t take drinks from anyone. Don’t leave without each other.

  Just when I’m about to tell her we aren’t in high school anymore, I hear a smooth, deep voice behind me say, “Now, there’s a girl who takes her partying seriously. You’re killing my buzz, and I’ve not even had anything to drink.” Simultaneously, we turn to see who has spoken. I’m shocked to see the blond guy from my psych class, but Jenna seems to know him already. I realize he’s the mystery guy who invited her. And he’s not alone.

  Holy crap! It’s all three of the guys from my class, in their trifecta of glorious perfection. Jenna’s guy looks perfect in a preppy kind of way. I try to casually glance at the other two, but there is nothing casual about them. The tall guy is totally hot with his dark buzzed hair and a five o’clock shadow. His eyes are so dark they are almost black. He’s smiling at me like we’re old friends. I bet he’s a nice guy. And then, there is the other one. He is shorter but much more built. He is wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, yet his clothes look like they were made just for him. He still looks like he just rolled out of bed, and I wonder if that’s what he would look like in the morning if I woke up next to him. My eyes trail up from his chest to his face, and I am shocked to find him watching me. The corner of his lip twitches slightly, and it seems as if my discomfort amuses him. But it’s his eyes. Oh, gosh… those beautiful deep blue eyes, the kind that whisper secrets and make you forget where you are. I’m so shocked that I step back. Only seconds have passed, but it feels as if it were in slow motion.

  Jenna lays her hand on Blondie’s arm as she introduces him to me. “Quincy, this is Eric. He’s in my Lit class, and he’s the one who invited us. Eric, this is my BFF, Quincy.” I reach out to shake his hand, but he pulls me into a loose hug instead. He’s watching her, but he says, “Glad you all came. I wasn’t sure you would.” I’m pretty sure he means her, but I don’t say so.

  “And these are my friends. Declan and Brody,” he continues, gesturing to the two next to him. The tall one reaches out a hand. “I’m Declan, and we’ve met. Well, sort of. You’re in our psych class.” He smiles that sweet smile, and I can’t help but smile back. He’s easygoing, and I know I’d really like him if I ever get the chance to know him.

  As I turn to the friend who must be Brody, I freeze. There is nothing easy about him. He looks at me like he’s going to eat me alive, and his smile holds a threat. Those piercing blue eyes look right through me. Like he knows me. I know it’s my imagination because guys like hi
m do not want girls like me. He extends a hand, and when I clasp it, it feels as if hot lava flows from him into me. I immediately drop my hand to my side. He watches me, waiting for me to say something first. “I’m Quincy. I think you’re in my class, too.” Good grief! Couldn’t I think of something better than that?

  And just like that, the moment is lost. He’s already backing away when he says, “Yeah. Nice meeting you guys. Gotta get back to the party.”

  That was the first time I heard him speak, and it was sinful. His voice was very smooth and deep, managing to sound seductive, even though we’re standing in the middle of a drunken party. I’m sure he is aware of its effect and uses it to his advantage. Honest to goodness, it sent a chill down my spine. I think I’d follow him anywhere, just to hear him talk.

  Jenna is looking at me like I have three heads, and I realize I’m just staring after Brody. I look back at the boys, hoping they have no idea what just happened.

  “So, do you guys belong to this fraternity?” I ask. Duh! They invited us here, stupid! So much for my social awkwardness not making an appearance.

  “Yeah. We’ve all been here two years. Did you say that you’re in our psych class?” Eric asks. I had noticed him in class, but of course, he hadn’t noticed me.

  “She was late and sat near the back,” Declan says. And now, I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open. I feel my face heat up, and I’m not sure if it’s my nerves or if I just like knowing he noticed me. Jenna rescues me by saying, “How cool is that? We all kind of know each other.”

  “Hey, since we’re all friends now, you mind hanging out while I show Jenna around?” Eric asks, but I see the hesitation on Jenna’s face before I even answer. She shakes her head, but Declan intervenes. “Sounds good to me. Quincy can hang with me, right?” And I agree because I don’t want Jenna feeling like she has to babysit me. I’m a big girl, so I need to start acting like it.