Choices Read online

  I see both Declan and Brody in class. Nothing has changed. Declan is still the nice guy I’ve come to enjoy being around, and Brody does his best to act like the kiss never happened. I train one more night at Player’s, but Brody isn’t there. I just don’t understand him. It’s like he doesn’t even know what he wants, pulling me closer while simultaneously pushing me away. My head says he’s just a player; my body says that maybe I’d like to play. Maybe I do need to talk to Jenna after all.

  I’ve never been to a bonfire, so I’m looking forward to it. Jenna and I are going shopping Saturday morning. It’s time for some girl time, and I bet both of us have some catching up to do. For now, I’m just trying to balance work and school. That’s about all I can handle.

  I haven’t heard from my Mom or Katie this week. It gives new meaning to the saying, “No news is good news.” I never really knew what that meant until Katie started disappearing for days at a time. I was only twelve years old the first time it happened. I remember lying awake at night, just waiting for her to walk through the door. I guess I was too young to think about all of the bad things that can happen to people. Until we got that late night phone call. She had been arrested at a party, and she was drugged out of her mind. I overheard my Mom telling my Dad that late night phone calls were never good. He said we were lucky that’s all it was. After that, the sound of a ringing phone at night can strike terror straight into my heart.

  My mind drifts back to the boys. I try not to compare Declan and Brody, but I can’t help myself. Declan is the total package. He is gorgeous, thoughtful, and perfect. He already knows where he wants to go in life, and he’s paving the road to get there. We talk like we’ve known each other forever. He makes me laugh, and I trust him. Brody is smoking hot, but I hardly know anything else about him. I just know that when he’s around, I can’t think of anyone else. I’ve never had a real boyfriend, so I have no expectations. But maybe he doesn’t have to be perfect.

  For the third night in a row, I dream of a certain kiss, bottomless blue eyes, and messy black hair. I remember Jenna talking about boys in high school, but I have never felt anything like this. Sure, I’ve had lots of crushes, but this seems like…. more.

  Chapter 12

  Friday night is my first solo shift at Player’s. Alex is working, and she watches over me like a mother hen. It’s comforting to know she’s here, looking out for me. When I go in, it is still the dinner crowd, but as the night goes on, I get less and less food orders and more drink orders. Every time I go to pick up my drinks, I’m a little on edge.

  Brody is working with another bartender named Devin. They work well together, and the women love them. While Brody is hot and dangerous, Devin’s boyish good looks make him very approachable. And from what I can tell, they get approached a lot. Devin likes to flirt, and he has the girls eating out of his hand. But it’s Brody they push their boobs up for, hoping he’ll think they have something special to offer. They all look the same to me.

  While I’m waiting, I sometimes notice him glancing my way. He always takes care of my orders himself. Earlier, I introduced myself to Devin, and I instantly liked him. Brody watched while we talked. It almost looked as if it bothered him, and I haven’t been able to get close to Devin again.

  For my first weekend shift, I think I’m doing surprisingly well. I haven’t had any mad customers, dropped any food, or forgotten to ring in an order. It’s so busy that I don’t even realize what time it is.

  “Aren’t you here late for your first night?” Brody asks. “Vince usually takes it easy on the newbies.” I love his voice. I especially love it when he is talking to me.

  “I have this last group to cash out, and then I’m done for the night. Jenna’s going to meet me here, though.” When I open my mouth around him, I let everything spill out. It’s like I have no control over myself.

  “Really? You going to be dancing?” I slowly nod. “Good, I’m out early tonight, so you better save a dance for me.” That changes everything. All of a sudden, I feel grungy in my work clothes. Thank goodness I brought something to change into.

  I go about closing out my last ticket and getting my cash in order. I did better than I thought, so I might splurge tomorrow. I’m feeling the need to spice up my wardrobe. And I have never worried about things like that.

  When I come out of Vince’s office, Jenna is waiting for me. As usual, she looks like she walked right out of the pages of a magazine. That makes me wish I could run home for a shower. “Now, Jenna. Why you gonna come in here looking like that? Look at me! I’m sweaty and nasty.”

  “Remember what I said, Quince. Don’t think so much.” Jenna is talking to me, but she’s looking toward the bar. A slow smile spreads across her face. “Oh, so now I know what the deal is. Why didn’t you tell me Brody works here, too?” So, the cat is out of the bag. Not that I was trying to keep it a secret. Was I?

  “It’s not a big deal. This is only the second time I’ve worked with him.” I’ll tell her the rest tomorrow. We go into the employee dressing room together. “Where’s Blondie tonight, anyway?” I actually thought he would be with her because they seem to be attached at the hip lately.

  “They had a fraternity party tonight, but I promised you I’d come here. It’s a girls’ night out. And I sort of told him I’d try to meet him later.” She twirls a finger in her hair and gives me a sly smile. I can only guess what that means.

  “You’re not coming home tonight, are you?” I may not be very experienced, but I do know how things work.

  “I don’t know yet. We’ll see how things go when I get there.” Jenna has had sex before, but she isn’t slutty. She is cautious, and I trust her judgment.

  I finish dressing, let my hair down, apply lip gloss…. And I’m ready to go. The music is pulsing through the walls, and I feel like dancing. “Let’s get out there and shake our asses off!” Jenna has a way with words, and she loves dancing almost as much as I do.

  The dance floor is crowded, but it is nothing like Bliss. We find a corner and stake our claim. Dancing is sort of therapeutic for me. I worry about everything. How I look. My grades. What people think. But when I’m dancing, I don’t think about anything. In that moment, nothing else matters.

  The music switches to something techno, and a strobe light flashes. Jenna taps me on the shoulder and mouths, “Going to the bar.” I nod and keep dancing.

  That’s when I see him. The lights flash, and he seems to be moving in slow motion. Like an animal on the prowl. He gets closer with each flash, until he’s standing in front of me. We begin moving together, hip to hip, face to face.

  I’m hot, and I can feel sweat on my back and forehead. A strand of his messy hair keeps falling over his eye. I reach to brush it away, when he grasps my hand and pulls it to his mouth. As we move together, he presses his lips softly to my knuckles. How is it that I can feel what he’s doing to my hand down there?

  The song ends, and he releases my hand. A slower beat starts, and he pulls me close, his hands on my lower back. His leg is brushing between my thighs, creating more havoc within my body. He lowers a hand to pull me into him. And I feel him. I stop moving and look up at him. He smiles lazily. “It’s you, Quince. You do this to me.” His voice is husky and flirtacious.

  Those words send me on a mission. For the first time, I feel powerful. I feel desired. I continue to watch him as I press my hips into his. I place my hands on his chest and slowly move them down to his stomach. I feel his abs tighten and flinch when I touch him. He grabs both hands and backs away. I’m not sure why until he leans down and says, “It could get embarrassing in here if you keep doing that.”

  My ears burn and my face flushes. I knew it was hot, but I didn’t know it was that hot! We finish the dance, but it’s time for a break. I see Jenna, waiting for us, so I head in her direction. “Hey, Brody. You going to the party?” She asks because she knows I won’t. She’s such a spy.

  “I’m headed to the house, but I have to get some sleep.
We have the bonfire tomorrow, and we usually end up staying all night. You all coming?” I hope that’s his way of inviting me, but I’m trying not to read too much into it

  “Yeah. Declan and Eric invited us earlier this week.” And with those words, his whole demeanor changes. His face looks pained, like he just ate something bad. Then, his curtain falls back in place. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

  “Well, girls, it’s been fun, but I gotta get some sleep. See you tomorrow.” I’m sure that he’s making an excuse to leave. There is an obvious change in his attitude, but I don’t know what happened. Maybe he didn’t want me to come to the bonfire after all?

  I watch Brody walk away, and I’m more confused than ever. “Girl, you are playing with fire!” Jenna is always the voice of reason. Except there is no reason here.

  “What am I doing, Jenna? I’m in over my head here, and I’m getting deeper by the minute.” I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I am suddenly wishing I could have two. There is something very messed up with that.

  “It’s not as bad as it seems, Quince. You are just going to have to make a choice. You can’t have both of them. And whether you admit it or not, your heart tells you that you want one more than the other.” I normally love Jenna’s insight, but tonight, it’s just too much. She makes it sound as if it’s all my decision. I just can’t believe either of them wants me like that. What if my feelings are all one-sided? What if I choose the wrong one?

  “Yeah, well, why can’t I just combine them?” And with that, we decide to call it a night. Jenna goes her way, and I go home alone. As usual.

  We’ve got shopping and catching up to do in the morning. Hopefully, she’ll have more to confess than I do.

  Chapter 13

  For once, I am awake and ready to go when Jenna barges in. I don’t even have to guess what she has been doing. Who needs the sun when she smiles like that? Jenna’s smile is the first thing you notice about her, and it makes everyone around her want to smile, too.

  “Quince! Why are you up so early? I still need to shower before we go.” This is a first. Jenna knows my deepest, darkest girl secret. I hate shopping. She practically has to drag me along when she goes, so there is no wonder she is shocked to see me ready to go.

  “Maybe I just really need some girl time,” I say and mean it. Jenna and I have other friends, but it’s her I can always count on. She’s the only one who seems to really “get” me, and I know she won’t pass judgment, even when she doesn’t agree with me. That’s just one of the reasons I feel closer to Jenna than I do my own sister.

  “Give me a few, and I’ll be ready to go.” She grabs some clothes and rushes into the bathroom. I can hear the shower running, and I am reminded of how cool it is that we live together. Moments like this make me miss Katie.

  When I think about my childhood, there is life before Katie got sick and life after she got sick. I am often filled with regret and sadness when I remember the past. What I feel the most is grief. It’s a tricky word, but it’s the only word that adequately describes it. I grieve for my sister. She is not dead, but she is definitely lost. She gets farther from me everyday. We were raised in the same home, yet we are so different. I just miss the girl I grew up with. If I knew where she went, I’d go fight for her myself.

  When I was ten years old, and Katie was fourteen, we were best friends. We bought a charm for our bracelets. Her half says “Fate”, and my half says “Choice”. When put together, they make a whole heart. We once saw something that said, “Sisters by fate, Friends by choice”, and we instantly loved the charms. I wear mine all of the time, almost afraid to take it off. It’s one of the last good memories I have of us together, and I just don’t want it to fade away.

  “Almost ready!” Jenna bursts out of the bathroom, fully dressed and completely gorgeous. It took just twenty minutes but looks like she spent hours getting ready.

  By the time we get in Jenna’s car, she is about to burst with her news. “Oh, Quince, Eric is so great! I’ve never felt this way before. I spent the night with him, but we didn’t have sex. He says he respects me and wants to make sure we’re headed in the right direction before we take that step. Isn’t that awesome?”

  I have to admit that I’m a little shocked to hear that. “So, you’re telling me you showed up with that goofy smile all because you didn’t sleep together?”

  “Yes! Now I’m not saying we didn’t do anything. We just didn’t do that thing,” she laughs. “That’s one thing I love about you Quince. You are just so innocent.”

  “You mean naïve?” I only jokingly laugh. I know a lot of guys would be turned off by my lack of experience.

  “No, that is not what I meant at all. You are innocent, meaning that you haven’t been exposed to certain things, good and bad. I love that about you. Someday, you’re going to meet a guy you can’t resist.” She smiles and nudges me with her elbow. “Maybe you already have.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’ve met one alright. Problem is, there are two of them!” I wail. There. I said it. There are two of them. That just sounds so….wrong.

  “Let’s talk about it. What is it about each of them that you like?” She quickly gets down to business. I wanted to talk about this, but I wasn’t really prepared.

  “One. There is Declan. I love talking to him, and I’d do just about anything to see him smile. He is adorable, and I could really see myself in a relationship with him. Two. There is Brody. I don’t even have words to describe him or how I feel when I’m around him. I mean, Jenna, he scares me. Alex says he never goes home with the same girl twice, and he confuses me with his mood swings. I don’t know if he’d be good for me, but I’d sure like to find out. Uggghhh! What is going on with me?” I am so confused. I’ve gone from worrying that I’ll never find the right guy to worrying how I’ll choose between two of them.

  Jenna looks stunned, and I’m positive it’s because that is the most she has ever heard me say about a boy. Boys. “That’s just it, Quince. You aren’t running a marathon. As long as you aren’t committed to either one, you can explore your options. But trust me on this. Don’t ever play games with them. Just don’t ever lie about what’s going on, OK?” She is so serious, I’m not sure if she made me feel better or just scared the crap out of me.

  “I don’t have any experience with things like this. I mean, what if I screw everything up? I’m not even sure I have a chance with either of them.” That is the real issue here. I just can’t imagine the possibility that either of those beautiful men would want me.

  “Oh, both of them are most certainly interested. Of that, I have no doubt. Whether or not you screw it up remains to be seen,” Jenna giggles. “So let’s enjoy some retail therapy, and we’ll be so hot they won’t need a fire tonight!”

  I laugh at her enthusiasm. Jenna always sees the positive in every situation. She’s a glass half full person, and I really need to be more like that. “Well, then, let’s get this show on the road.”

  When we get to the mall, it’s hard to think about anything else with Jenna throwing clothes at me. With her help, I find several new outfits, and I even let her talk me into buying a couple of dresses. She knows when I hit my shopping tolerance for the day and lets me off the hook. For once, I can’t wait to try on my new clothes!

  We gather our bags and head back to the car. With the music blaring, us singing along, the wind in our hair… I forget to be nervous. It’s been a good day.

  Chapter 14

  “Quince, it’s time to go! I have directions, and it’s gonna take at least an hour to get there.” Jenna is ready to go, but I’m in the bathroom, giving myself a pep talk. I look good. I’ve got this. And I really do look good.

  My hair is twisted into a long braid, with a few escaped pieces framing my face. Along with my usual lip gloss, I apply makeup carefully. It’s still subtle, but the eye shadow and mascara make my eyes brighter. I’m wearing a blue babydoll dress, which hits just above my knees. I don’t want to fa
ll flat on my face in front of everyone, so I choose some flat gold sandals. I might feel short all night, but at least I won’t break my ankle.

  When I walk out, Jenna looks stunned. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

  “No, Quince. You are perfect. You look beautiful, and you know what? Those boys aren’t going to know what’s hit them.” I blush. I know it’s only Jenna, but her opinion counts. “So, we better get there before they get drunk and can’t appreciate all of this hard work.”

  The drive is beautiful. We are headed toward the mountains, right into the sunset. The party is on a farm about an hour outside of the city, and the boys have all gone ahead to prepare the bonfire. It feels weird to just show up without one of them with us.

  When we get to the farm, I am blown away. I am not exactly sure what I expected, but this was not it. We turn onto a dark, tree-lined driveway, and I am shocked to see a house. The driveway ends in front of a massive, two level stone and wood cabin. The entire front is lined with floor to ceiling windows. I am speechless.

  “Wow. I thought we were just going to hang out in a field or something.” Jenna is just as awed as I am. “No wonder they all spend the night.”

  Lighting up the sky, a fire burns in the field to the right of the cabin. Cars are parked along the driveway, and I see people gathered around the fire. Jenna parks near the edge of the field, and we get out of the car. “It’s a good thing I didn’t wear heels.” I’m relieved that’s one less thing I have to worry about.

  The night air is still warm, and the sky is bright with stars. The moon shines down, and I feel as if I’m walking into the pages of a book. Frogs are croaking, and fireflies dance across the field. I breathe in deeply, and it smells like home.

  As soon as we enter the clearing, Eric is at Jenna’s side. “Just who I’ve been waiting for! Any trouble getting here?” He’s already leading us toward a keg and some coolers. There has to be two hundred people here!